were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
