You're completely useless in the revolution.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
