I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
