the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
