The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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