i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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