I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
