my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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