I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
