i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
