She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
