Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
