Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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