White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
