Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
