I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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