Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
