My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
