you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
