I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
