I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
