So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
