You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
