There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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