I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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