You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
