even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Randomize
