I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
