and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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