You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
