I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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