I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
