he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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