Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I just blew my weed a kiss
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
