:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
