my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
