I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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