I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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