there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
