Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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