Only a mothe r could love this liver
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
