East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
