I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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