Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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