I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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