I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
