I accidentally had phone sex last night
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
