so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
