your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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