I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
