we made out on top of his cat.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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