My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
