so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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