Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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