He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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