when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
