a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
