my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
