i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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