You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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