I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
