dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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