I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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