i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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