Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize