Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
People in love make me want to vomit
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
