Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
