Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize