I wanna passion pit in your ass
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
