I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
