a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
