but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Randomize
