I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
